Response to Xandra

Sorry for the belated response.

I understand and empathize. I have my own set of preferences and biases when it comes to genitalia. I’m just inviting introspection and conversation, and self-honesty, as to those biases. And it’s ok if those biases don’t change, but it’s better (I think) if one can see them in the context of our unconscious biases — how we were brought up, what type of people surrounded us, what type of people we saw in the movies, etc. etc.

A lot of women and a lot of gay men have opinions about cut and uncut penises. And it usually has a LOT to do with one’s cultural immersion.

In the example I gave, the goldstar lesbian and myself enjoyed our time together, and we’re still friends two years later (three? I forget). The one thing I fell we could’ve done differently would be to have a conversation about expectations beforehand (very much worth doing with any new lover, anyway. (A good pre-sex talk includes STI status, turn-ons, turn-offs, trauma, type of sex they want right now, agreements/limits/boundaries (if polyamory, agreements with other lovers…), sexual expectations, and relationship expectations.)

But to your point (and central to my article), you ABSOLUTELY have the right to your genital preferences.


Activist. Public speaker. Writer. Community Organizer. Mom. Creator & Host, Empowered Trans Woman Summit. Managing Editor,

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