The “You Be Nice & We’ll Be Nice” Argument

Response to Sandra Currie

Sandra, there's a vicious circle going on.

TERFs (the Germaine Greer camp) actively harass, slander, misgender and spew hate upon trans women on a regular basis. Concentrated hatred. (I'm speaking from experience).

Some trans women interpret this to mean a "trans vs cis" battle. This is very unfortunate.

What feeds into this, however, is that most cis women are NOT supportive of trans women. They're not exclusive, or hateful - just cluelessly unsupportive because they have no concept of the marginalization and suffering we go through. So a false equivalence gets built - "you be nice and we'll be nice."

Some trans advocates work really hard to foment bridges between cis & trans women. This includes making trans women aware that the hatred rained upon them does not come from ALL cis women, it comes from a relatively small but very, very engaged culty crowd. And this includes making cis women aware that trans women are suffering. That we're constantly othered. We're constantly excluded. We're denied jobs. We're denied public restrooms. We're mocked. We're constantly at risk of violence - a greater and more dire risk than the average woman (the same man who would rape the cis woman would murder the trans woman for 'disappointing' him or 'deceiving' him.)

A much greater degree of compassion and empathy is needed from cis women.

I do not condone those trans women who level their anger in threatening, unproductive ways. I think this is harmful and it alienates would-be-friends. BUT I understand the pain that drives this.