(to her response on What Do We Do About Women With a Penis)
Thank you for your response.
I appreciate your acknowledgment of that example of how to get along. Yes, I’m proud of that one, and I treasure good conversations that lead to growth and epiphanies on both sides, and lead to more harmony.
I’m hoping this will be one of those conversations.
You say you deeply dislike the word “cis.”
First of all, I’d like you to consider that emotion.
It’s just a word. Have you Googled it?
It was coined by a German sexologist.
The word carries no negative connotation. It’s just used as an equalizer term. Rather than saying “trans folk” and “normal folk,” or “trans women” and “real women,” or “trans men” and “regular men” (thus implying trans people are abnormal, unreal and irregular), some kind sexologists came up with the opposite of TRANS (away from), which is CIS (next to). That’s all the word means.
If you still prefer to call yourself a “normal woman,” or a “real woman” rather than saying you’re a cis woman, it’s your choice. But I’m sure you can see how that would be demeaning to trans women, as you’d be calling us abnormal and unreal. And if you just want to say “woman” then that’s ok, except that, if you say “trans women” and “women” then you’re implying we’re not women, which is pretty shitty as well.
You have full agency over your language, of course. So it’s your call.
But please understand that
a) the word “cisgender” was not invented by trans actvists,
b) the word just means your gender and bio sex are aligned,
c) the word is meant as a kindness to people who are different.
Trans women (two words, please) have nothing against feminism and feminists. Many trans women ARE feminists. I am a liberal intersectional feminist.
There is a specific faction of feminism called Radical Feminism. And there is, within THAT faction, a very specific type of women who abhor trans folk. THOSE people are TERFs. NOT all women. NOT all feminists.
It might surprise you to know that the trans community did NOT come up with that term. Do you know who came up with the word TERF? They did. TERFs did.
Only once the word was thrown back at them in disgust by many other feminists, as well as trans activists, did they back away from the word. They now prefer to call themselves “Gender-Critical.”
Playboy and Privilege
In terms of posing for Playboy: A great flaw of second-wave feminism is that it was very sex-negative. Current feminism does not prescribe to women how to exercise our femininity, our sexuality, which clothes to wear, whether we want to wear makeup or not. 1970s feminism was against sex workers, for example. Current intersectional feminism protects sex workers.
I totally get that you don’t share the view that posing for Playboy could be a “privilege.” For a woman born in the wrong body, with tremendous body shame, to get to the point where she’s considered a sex symbol is a point of pride.
It’s also worth mentioning that today’s Playboy is woman-owned, and very different from 1970s Playboy.
See, you did it right there. “transwomen undermining women.” Trans women ARE women. And I deeply resent your phrase of “transwomen supposedly representing female party members” — that sentence is laden with the sentiment that trans women are not valid women. I reject all of that. Please try and avoid that narrative when in conversation with me.
I am divided on the sports thing. I am not an athlete. I have read valid opinions on both sides. (I have also read a lot of downright transphobic stuff on this topic.)
But your solution that trans women should compete with men is poorly thought-out. Trans women who’ve been on hormonal treatment over two years lose a LOT of muscle mass and do not pass the rigors of qualification for men’s sports. Also, trans women are not men.
I don’t know if you know, but there is a trans boy in Texas who competes against girls — and wins. He’d rather compete against boys, but Texas law won’t let him.
“Do Your Time”
On the “do your time sister!” Comment. This is overly familiar. You don’t know me. You don’t know what time I have done or am doing. I will spare you the litany of marginalization, or my current struggles. But there’s been no male privilege, not for a while. And while I understand your premise, you’re generalizing and over-simplifying. I will direct you to this other article, Trans Women and The Danger of the Single Story.
Lastly, on the “have the decency to wait,” I really, truly don’t understand your premise. How long should I wait? 50 years? I’ll be dead. 25 years? I’ll be in a home. How long should I wait for my life to begin? Whose permission should I seek to live as a woman?
And — “…crashing?” really??
There is a lot of insult in your response.
The sad part is, I’m pretty sure that you don’t mean to insult me.
I’m pretty sure you don’t even realize when you insult me.
I’m hoping we can continue this dialog.
I’m also hoping you can do so with less insult.