Gender Transition

The strange dilemmas of gender transition

My penis is shrinking and I don’t know what to make of that.

Yeah, I know. Even I think that’s a weird sentence.

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The changing body

I’m a trans woman. I’ve been on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) for four and a half years. The estrogen & progesterone going into my body, and the testosterone blockers impeding the flow of testosterone in my body, have profoundly changes my anatomy and my body chemistry.

Many of these changes I was ready for. My libido definitely shifted — becoming an entirely different set of responses to sexual stimuli. I used to know something is stirring sexual feelings in me because I’d feel my member grow into an urgent, throbbing hardon clamoring for attention. Not these days. These days my body reacts with a soft murmur, a hint of a feeling. On my mouth, my lips engorge, and I feel the urge to kiss. …

On the heels of the disastrous SESTA/FOSTA, comes a new Bill that may shut down OnlyFans and cause massive harm to sex workers

RT — Originally posted by Ana @acvalens on Twitter

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By popular request I’m compiling a master post on SISEA, the bipartisan bill by @SenSasse & @SenJeffMerkley that would purge porn from social media and devastate sex workers’ income during a pandemic.

This fantastic @XBIZ story goes over the basics. The TLDR:

1) The bill targets any online platform that “hosts and makes available to the general public” porn. This essentially ranges from On|yFans to Twitter

2) The bill demands sites with porn institute strenuous verification and content moderation systems, such as a 24-hour platform hotline with a two-hour window to pull reported material. …

Bootie play should not hurt. Here’s how to do it right.

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I run a sex-positive community for women. In my leadership role, I get to hear many women’s stories of discovery and gained self-confidence. It’s gratifying and fulfilling work.

The part that saddens me and frustrates me is to hear women tell tales of ‘enduring’ sexual activities, rather than enjoying them. And to hear so many women who carry fear and shame, heavy burdens that hinder their sexual experience and limit their sexual fulfillment.

I write these articles in an effort to break down this fear and shame.

(Note: I write my articles for women, and much of this article describes sex with a man. However, most of what I’ve written is just as valid for men loving men, and for women loving women, and for non-binary folks. If you have advice on how to make this article more gender-inclusive, by all means, drop me a private note right here in this paragraph, or write a response.)

Transgender Rights

Why supporting trans folk in the early stages of transition is vital

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Left: Dec 2017, coming back from filing my gender change with the court | Right: Dec 2019

It is those first two years of transition that are the hardest.

When you know you look an ambiguous mess, but you need to lean in and do it anyway.

When you know you’ll get stares everywhere you go.

When you’re constantly at risk of the unkindness of complete strangers.

Once, while headed to a friend’s party, I stopped at a red light. There was a car two lanes away from me, full of frat boys. One of them felt compelled to roll down his window and *scream* (the way one screams ‘fire!’) “That’s a man! That’s a MAN!” repeatedly. Over 20 times. …

Intersectional Feminism

Female is an adjective. Describing a woman as “a female” is disrespectful, dismissive, and dehumanizing.

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Photo by Christopher Campbell

The topic of language policing is a tricky thing. Ultimately, we’re all free to speak as we like, and we’re all accountable for our own choice of words.

That said, those of us doing social justice work try to push the vanguard for a better language. It’s not a matter of being “politically correct” — I hate that expression. It’s a matter of being mindful and aware of one’s language choices.

We retired “colored” and “oriental.” We did so because these words are framed in oppression, and because they have a white-centric lens. We retired the use of “Mrs. Alfred Jenkins” — now it’s “Mrs. Mary Jenkins, married to Mr. Alfred Jenkins.” Or even better, “Ms. …

Diversity & Inclusion

And I replied, “Yes, that has been the problem all along.”

This meme has been doing the rounds in right-wing circles.
I wrote a response to it. Feel free to share, or copy/paste as needed.

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You never cared. That’s accurate.

You never cared I was kept outside in the gutters, in the cold, while you enjoyed the warmth and the comfort inside. You never cared.

You talked about your honeymoon, posted pictures of your wedding, and bragged about your kids — while I, and millions like me, were denied the right to marry.

And when we got that right, you called it ‘shoving it down your throat.’

You never cared what color I was. Not when your neighborhood grocer denied me service; not when your bank wouldn’t give me a loan, not when I was denied an education. Because of my color. Not when your cops shot my son. Because of his color. …

Self Development

Why we all struggle with body image — here’s what we can do about it.

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The Queen’s Gambit is breaking all records on Netflix. 62 million households. have watched in the last month — and chess sets are selling out on Amazon.

Today I caught an article about Anya Taylor-Joy, star of the show.

Anya has a unique face, which added to the mystique of her character. I was saddened — and yet unsurprised — to read that she’s always considered herself 'ugly.'

“I have never and I don’t think I will ever think of myself as beautiful.” — Anya Taylor-Joy

“I don’t think I’m beautiful enough to be in films. It sounds pathetic and my boyfriend warns me people will think I’m an absolute d*** for saying these things, but I just think I’m weird-looking,” Anya said in a recent interview. …


Allowing ourselves to feel joy for what we have, rather than pain for what we lack.

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I am grateful for my kids.

I am grateful for amazing friends, especially the angels who check in on me to make sure I'm doing ok.

I'm grateful for the love I've experienced in my life - for those who have loved and for those who love me still.

I'm grateful for the silly cockeyed optimism that keeps me thinking good things may come.

I'm grateful for the naive stubbornness that makes me keep on trying.

I'm grateful for every brand-new day and the opportunity and hope it carries.

I’m grateful for my very silly heart and its childish, passionate, ridiculous, earnest charge at life. …


The challenges that keep us from showing ourselves, the benefits of being real.

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I'm traveling, and that disruption in routine always brings introspection, and epiphanies.

One of the things that came to me this morning is my yearning for authenticity — for being a person of authenticity. This is one of the components, I think, if behind a person of integrity.

I wasn't groomed for authenticity. I was groomed to be a pleaser, a performer. That's my "default mode," and lately I've been bucking against that.

The enemy of authenticity, for me, has been scarcity. When one lives in scarcity - of resources, of friendships, employment, allies, one can feel one cannot afford the luxury of authenticity, lest one may lose precious connections and opportunities. …

Parenting Transgender Kids

The panic of parents new to trans experience

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I think some parents learn about their kids being trans and panic, thinking now they have this whole new thing to face.
Everything was fine, and now this.

Maybe a reframe would help.

You HAD a major thing all along. Eating at your kid from the inside.
Now you know what it is, and you can DO something about it (support, validate, facilitate, affirm, de-shame).

I just took my Prius in. Turns out the thingamawhatsit needed replacing, and the whattchumacallit needed cleaning. (I don’t know much about cars LOL). Now my little Sky runs smooth as butter.

Your kid being trans is not this scary thing that just happened now. It’s this heavy thing your baby has been carrying for years. Now you can tell them "OMG, no wonder you were struggling. Here, let me help you carry that."


Cassie Brighter

Activist. Public speaker. Writer. Community Organizer. Mom. Creator & Host, Empowered Trans Woman Summit. Managing Editor,

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